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May 30, 2010
by Davey Wavey

You control your feelings.

In a world wherein we so often make comments like “He made me angry,” or “I can’t help it,” or “She makes me feel so ugly,” it’s easy to forget that the responsibility for our feelings lies within us.

No one – and no thing – can make you feel a certain way without your permission. Of course, many of us grant that permission unconsciously, as we’ve been conditioned to believe that outside forces control our emotions.

Today, I’m reminding myself that I am in charge of my feelings. I control my thoughts, and my feelings flow from my thoughts. A feeling is a reaction to a thought – and thus, feelings can be controlled by manipulating the thoughts that precede them.

This world can be a heaven or a hell. When I think differently, I’m always amazed at the changes that I see in the world – and in my life. Thinking differently means cultivating motivating from within, not needing approval from others, practicing self acceptance, embracing the unknown, eliminating blame, not worrying, living spontaneously, giving and receiving love, and so forth.

Thinking differently means looking at people, circumstances and situations in a new light. There are a million examples. In the comments below, share a new perspective on something in your life. I’ll kick things off with the first comment.


  1. Death. Instead of seeing death as a feared foe, I see death as a welcome companion. Death makes life possible, and it gives value to my each day. Death is beautiful.

  2. so true!

    I think we also have to take matters in our own hands (or mind for that matter) when it comes to tough situations, and hardships. Being able to see that all of life’s problems are a question of point of view, and can be transformed, by the way we think them. We create our reality.

  3. Hardships. Instead of hard times being lamented, it gives perspective. How can you know what is good in your life without experiencing the bad? Hardships allow you to see the zest of life.

  4. I agree totally, I believe that for alot of us negative thoughts and feelings are habitual, learned behaviour and so we need to try and turn this around and make positive thinking/feeling our default mode.

  5. This is the philosophy taught by Byron Katie in her series “The Work.”

    Words to live by.

  6. I remember you said you choose not to drink alcohol or take drugs. It certainly shows with your clear mind as you channel this beautiful wisdom to a new generation of gay men, and others. Good job!

  7. I’m starting to see my creative lulls as not just, not being the death of me, but also as inspiration.

  8. Aging. I used to be mortified to grow older. Hitting twenty-five last september, felt like I was crossing a border. I felt like, since I hit the big two-five, people would be less attracted to me. I refused to believe someone would like me when I turned 25. Sure….. I still don’t like having to tell I’m 25, but in a way I found peace with it. 25 meant I had to start living responsible, you know? I had grown into an adult by just turning 25. I made drastic changes. Started working out, quit smoking and stopped trying desperately being 18. I feel much better knowing that trying to be 18 is a job best left to those who ARE 18. I’m beginning to like being 25. Lord knows it took me 9 months to get there, but hey…. I’m okay. That is, as long as people refrain from saying things like “sir” to me. I’m no “sir”. This body hasn’t aged enough to have to be called a “sir”. Sir should be reserved for people of a “sir”tain age.

  9. Mistakes aren’t bad they are oppurtunities to learn and grow as a person :D

  10. I agree with you slightly.

    As adults, we are the ones that choose how we will react to a situation and how we will feel about it. But a young child that is verbally abused from their first memories and told that they are “worthless”, “ugly”, “a disappointment”, “I wish you were never born”, that child will grow into adulthood with a damaged ability to view themselves as beautiful and perfect no matter what someone else says about them.

    There are many adults that are working through identity issues because of the treatment they received as a child, whether from an abusive parent, caregivers or bullies in the schoolyard. Words do hurt and at critical stages of development they can create long-lasting emotional damage.

    A puppy that is constantly abused will grow into a dog that lashes out.

    What we say to one another, how we treat one another, random acts of kindness, even to a stranger can help healing of wounds that may have been inflicted for decades.

    It is in our power to bring good or bad into the world. We can help heal broken people.

    Our interactions with everyone we cross paths with can help open their eyes to the fact that every day is wonderful. That they are
    beautiful and that everyone is different and everyone is the same.

    We do not have to be the same as everyone else, or like one particular ideal to be beautiful. Beauty IS our natural state.

    As Christina Aguilera’s song “Beautiful” says:

    “Now and then, I get insecure
    From all the pain, I’m so ashamed, but,

    I am beautiful no matter what they say
    Words can’t bring me down
    I am beautiful in every single way
    Yes, words can’t bring me down
    So don’t you bring me down today!”

  11. Feelings are not the same as emotions. Emotions require thought. Try getting angry with a quiet mind. Feelings, on the other hand are spontaneous bodily sensations that happen without thought. Feelings are real responses to real events. Emotions, for the most part are responses to thoughts about events, real or not.

  12. In the about me section Davey Wavey said this

    “When you understand, Davey Wavey, that what most people really, really want is simply to feel good about themselves, and when you realize that with just a few well-chosen words you can help virtually anyone on the planet instantly achieve this, you begin to realize just how simple life is, how powerful you are, and that love is the key.
    Fly little bird,
    The Universe”

    That just recently changed by perspective on the way I communicate with others. Why say something mean, and possibly ruin someones whole day, when you can say something nice and positive? It seems like an easy concept that I’m surprised didn’t hit me earlier.


  13. You control your thought?No way
    If so, I can’t watch movies which relieve my mood anymore.

    Yes you are, A person’s thought may be reflected from his or her action …..^^

  14. Last night I found myself in a freeze. My body shaking with anxiety as I went through a post-traumatic panic attack. I got two hours of sleep as my thoughts jumped from one assumed conclusion to the next negative thought. I felt like I wasn’t me and that these thoughts were someone else’s. Today I feel the choice. My mucsles are tight (as deciding to have negative thoughts has its physical effects) and my head is aching. But it makes it so much easier to see the choice. My accident is not a likely situation, the fear I am combusting is not rational. The conclusions I feel so ‘certain’ about are out of my control. And I am the creator of who I am right now. We are products of our past thoughts, and if I want to be more active or a more positive influence it starts with changing my own thoughts now.

  15. My Eating Disorder: I saw it as something that controlled me. Something that was taking my life and i was addicted to it. Something that was part of me. Now, i have come to see it as something outside of me, its not who i am. I have a choice every day, every moment to take the next right step. I am not my addiction

  16. Thank you for some common sense. None of us lives in a vacuum and all of us are influenced by our upbringing, for better or worse. It can take a lifetime of work to rewire our perceptions, and for some people (sexually abused children for example), the damage is near impossible to fix. Yes, you can break a child beyond repair and all the positive thinking in the world will not turn him/her into a healthy adult.

  17. I lost my well paid, high intensity job in the 2008 financial crash and could not find another one. In the first months it was extremely stressful but after I had adjusted my expenses, lifestyle and spending to match a new reality I suddenly discovered that I could, for the first time in years, focus on me.
    Instead of slaving away with my eyes on the horizon I now enjoy the moment and have reclaimed and reinvented my life. My contract work supplies me with enough money for my needs and leaves me enough time to work on the art projects that had been sitting on the shelf for 10 years plus it gives me plenty of time to spend with the people I love.
    Losing that job and the big paycheck has turned out to be one of the best things to happen in my life, so far.

  18. Right you are, sonny.

    Be well,

  19. Self-observation.

    Self-observation is one of the best tools that we have, and can use to help us learn, grow, and evolve our consciousness to a higher level of understanding.

    When we self-observate, we become consciously aware of the choices we make, of our thoughts, actions, reactions, and responses to the input that we constantly receive from Life. And, by simultaneously observing the resultant outcome of our choices, reactions, etc., we learn how and what our behavior creates in our lives and the lives of those we interact with.

    If we create stress, anger, frustration, and chaos for ourselves and/or others, we can consciously change our behavior to create peace, love, understanding, and harmony instead.

    Through self-observation we begin to see how we can make our lives “better”, and see
    the bigger picture of how we are all the same (yet individually unique), inter-connected, and in this Life together.

    No one else can do it for us; we must do it for ourselves.

    There is no better time than RIGHT NOW to begin conscious self-observation.
    For example: Notice how you react and feel about each of the comments that you read in Davey’s blog everyday.

    It’s really pretty simple once you get used to it and it becomes second nature.

    Have fun with it, and don’t forget to laugh at yourself as often as possible. : ) : )

    Peace, Love, and Truth.

    Todd in VA

  20. Isn’t it a bit dangerous to think of death as a ‘beautiful’ thing?
    What if you have a different reaction whenever you are facing the death of a very important person in your life?
    I think the message in your post is absolutely beatiful, I identify myself with this post and with most of the things you write and say on your videos.

    But I just wouldn’t call it beatiful, for me, I think It’d be hard to take, but I understand is a process and as a part of life -not as the ending of one. And I hope that simple thought could help me through it.


  21. I really don’t want to be a killjoy or bring in a negativity vibe here.. but.. davey.. no offense to u or anyone else.. i feel like your blogs are starting to be the same sort of stuff… its not innovative anymore.. it’s somewhat lost its magic. I feel like I can read most of this in some “Purpose driven life” book.. or a hallmark card. It’s nothing special anymore.. Please try to bring it back to how it was… it seems like you’re making your blogs more “business” than putting your heart and soul into it. I know you can do so much better. We know you can do so much better. And deep down, I know you do too.

  22. I think we eventually learn how to react to some situations. However, there are some passionated people that keep lots of expectations (including myself). When something does not happen as it was expected we feel deeply disappointed, even when we react properly. I agree in what you are saying. Although, it is difficult to comply.

  23. O Arnold, that’s so sweet that 25 was/is such a big thing for you. We can’t stop the hands of time …. try approaching 43 and see how you’ll feel! It’s just a number!!

    From one waiting at the bus stop for the next bus – there’s one due any minute – funnily it has “43″ on the front!!

  24. Just saw the other blog post.. the talky blog. Now, that’s what we’re talking about..

  25. I disagree. Dw posts similar posts because they are full of the same thing: love! I read it everyday and that’s how dw helps me to become a free spirit daily. Repetition works dw is like my religion and church love u dw!

  26. You’re crazy. Not.

  27. Very true! Age is just a number. Unfortunately, the average gay spouse seems to really care about your age. For instance, when I’m on a gay dating site I see all these profiles where people say that they’re not interested in senior citizens. By which they mean people of 25 and older. This is a very concerning matter in my opinion. That’s what initially started my worrying about my age. Thought I’d be less succesfull dating men if I told them my age. Overall, it turned out fine. I date people who don’t care I’m 25, so my age doesn’t matter anymore. Now I know that someone is genuinly interested in dating me even though I’m a “senior citizen”.

    Now let’s see how I’ll feel in 5 or 15 years. Oh well…. I’ll age gracefully”.

  28. death isnt particularly beautiful in the fact that it is a heavy loos , but it is beautiful in the fact of the oeace, the joy, the ability to reconnect with the world on the most natural level that makes death almost poetic. death is a necessary part and fact of life. I feared death for the longest time as a child because of the questions that are associated with it. Where do we go? who is there waiting for us? the answer: it doesnt matter. there could be heaven hell nirvana unification with Brahmin or enlightenment. You could be reincarnated. but the fact is that we dont know, and we never will until we die. so instead of question death, embrace it as the poetic force that is the one thing that unifies all living things.

  29. I read this entry and as much as I try to control my feelings, I am crying as I type this. A coworker told me this week that he’s seeing someone from within the company. I had a crush on him for the longest time and when I told him how I felt, he let me down gently and said that he doesn’t date people at work. That was 2 years ago, and we have been good friends since. Even 2 weeks ago, when we went out, he told me I was boyfriend material, but I didn’t get all excited because I didn’t want to get rejected again. What do I do now? I know his current fling will not last, but I am so dejected and hurt. Should I say something, or just realize that he’s not interested in me and move on? I see him everyday, so it’s tough to control my feelings.

  30. To live a fearless life.

  31. so simply, this whole blogs message is: always look n the bright side!

  32. Take the things people hate about you and embrace it, even enhance it. :D

  33. Unless you have a chemical imbalance.

  34. While its true that ppl may be conditioned to act a cewrtain way over time….I agree w davey that it still is their own choice to stay in that mode of feeling. They can choose to get help to assist in their healing…..but ultimately staying in that rut is up to them. I grew up being the fet feminine kid in school…imagine the nonstop teasing. Then I went vegan in rural ny where vegetarians supposedly ate chicken and fish. Then I came out and my father didn’t speak to me for a year until the day my mother died…..often times we were alone in the house together for a month or more wqhen my mom was in the hospital. I went to college in nyc on my own without any help……and then a few years later my father commit suicide. Now I could’ve chosen to be hurt….to stay depressed about it….to not take care of myself or be responsible for my feelings….but I did anyways. I made it through. I have good and bad days but I know I’m responsible for every one of them!!!

  35. Its hard to do but you definitely control your own thoughts and the way you relate toothewrs actions…….I know its a hard concept to swallow but once you get this…freedom is yours!!!

  36. No one can control their feelings. What you are describing is changing your thought process. You are changing how you deal with negative feeling, not the actual feeling itself.

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